Total OOTW Kuroshitsuji Fun?
by xMaddie
Summary: Cracked adventures with the cast! Read on!
1. KUROSHITSUJI PROSTITUTES 4VA CLUB?

Hi people! I dunno if this qualifies as funny but its stupidly retarded i guess. Hope its not boring in anyways and y'all can cyber-kill me if you all want for wasting your time. Thanks a lot anyways! :3

Maddie: Welcome to the KUORSHITSUJI PROSTITUTES4VA CLUB! Since its special opening night entry will be FREE, cause I am kind MAMA-SAN. :D Here we have CIEL, AlOIS and GRELL! ALOIS IN A SUPA TIGHT SHORT AND SMEXYLICIOUS TRAN-TRAN OUTFIT, CIEL IN A CAT-SUIT *wink wink* AND GRELL IN... He's not wearing much huh. O.O Soon, guest stars UNDERTAKER and SEBASTIAN will be arriving soon!

Fangirls: KYAA! XD

Maddie: Now let's get up close and personal! *pans imaginary camera*

Alois: OOO. I like 'UP the CLOSE' and 'personal'. ;3

Maddie: NICE. * has impure thoughts*

Ciel: Why do I always have to do this... *grumbles*

Maddie: CIEL! WE ALL KNOW YOU'RE ENJOYING IT! Hehe...

Ciel: NO! *blushes and mumbles something that sounds like "a little"*

Fangirls: KYAA! XD

Maddie: Gonna go deaf soon...

Grell: Uh! Where's my Sebas-chan?

Ciel: NOO! If Sebastian comes I'll never live it up! D:

Maddie: No shit, Sherlock. *eyes Ciel's cat suit.*

Lau: Ah. Looks like we've come to a unique place, Ranmao.

Ranmao: *nods*

Ciel: SHIT! *runs away from Lau*

Maddie: Where's Alois?

Alois: UNDERWEAR PARTY! *jumps onto crowd of fangirls to be handled around... or something*

Fangirls: KYAA! XD

Maddie: I see...

*Door slams open*

Undertaker: Sorry I am late! B)

Everyone: *sudden silence...*

Undertaker: Like my costume everyone? *Giggles manically* It's the smex!

Maddie: O.O It's a... dominatrix outfit.

Alois: Hey! The weird Chinese dude just jumped into the Thames!

Maddie: He will live. AND this is the reason Undertakers should stay Undertakers, even if they look good in hooker outfits... *gawks and has impure thoughts, once again*

Ciel: *returns and gawks* I hope Undertaker doesn't have necrophilia.

Maddie: No shit, Sherlock.

Grell: AHHH! SO HOT I WANNA HAVE YOUR BABIES! XD

Sebastian: Grell! You hurt my feelings, and my clothes are slipping off suddenly... *sly smile*

Fangirls: KYAA! XD *runs towards Sebastian*

Grell: Sebastian! I still like you more! CHUU~! *gets kicked in the face*

Maddie: Poor Grell... YOU'LL LIVE ON IN MY HEART FOREVER THOUGH! O wait. He can't die.

Ciel: SHIT! SEBBY IS HERE! *runs away again*

Maddie: Too late, i think he's spotted you and he's trying not to laugh at that corner where the fangirls are trying to rape him... One crazy lot they are. *nods and strokes imaginary Confucius-like beard*

Alois: ORGY PARTY!

Fangirls: KYAA! XD

Maddie: SHUDDUP! *rubs head*

Undertaker: Hey ladies, who wanna join me in my morgue for some fun tonight? ;D

Fangirls: KYAA! XD

Maddie: This is getting too frequent... AND he just prolly means dissecting bodies, PEOPLE.

Undertaker: *sticks tongue out* its fun. Hmph. I'm going back ladies... Care to join?

Fangirls: KYAA! XD

Grell: Did Alois say there's an ORGY PARTY? ME WANTS JOIN!

Fangirls: KYAA! XD

Maddie: YES HE DID! *screams to be heard* TURN DOWN THE HALL AND ENTER ROOM Number 12... That was quick.

Sebastian: *panting and torn clothes* Maddie... I want out. Screw this shit.

Maddie: If you can get away... *eyes group, no, ARMY of fangirls heading towards us*

Sebastian: EEK! I meant I can handle that... *turns and plans escape route*

Maddie: I worry for you as a mama-san. *shows disapproving look*

Grell: I'LL PROTECT YOU SEBASTIAN! *jumps out of nowhere only to be run down by ARMY of fangirls*

Maddie: Poor Grell...

Alois: BACK FROM ORGY PARTAY! That was fun!

Ciel: Sebastian has gone huh. Phew.

Maddie: Yes, and it's beddy time now, huh, Ciel?

Ciel: *grumbles* Yawn. Yeah. *Trudges to room*

Alois: I WANTS JOIN YOU! XD

Ciel: NO. Not tonight, Alois... O crap... *facepalm*

Alois: *smirk*

Fangirls: KYAA! XD

Maddie: GET OUT PEOPLE! THEY NEED REST!

Fangirls: *glares and shimmies out*

Maddie: They creep me out... Like one giant colony of ant aliens... *shivers*

Grell: EEE! Where'd Sebas-chan go? X(

Maddie: Long gone, Grell, long gone. *shakes head*

Grell: DX Aww... *retreats to room*

Maddie: Until next time people! Until next time. XD *hand waves*

Hi people (again)! Reviews? Cause they are helpful ( just a simple -Nice- or -This sucked bad- will do) AND suggestions on where you want them to be next chappie will be GREATLY APPRECIATED. Or slow update. (Maybe a blessing to you) Thanks a lot again! :3


	2. TRUTH OR DARE IN THE HOSPITAL!

SPECIAL EDITION.* TRUTH OR DARE IN THE HOSPITAL!*

MACHIAM PEOPLE! Sorry for the delay... But now I'm back~! And the next chapter will probably be very fast! Cause I wrote the next chapter quite a while ago... HEHE... So, ONWARD!

Note: xJudy= Friend. Lucia= Lucia d' Neko-Kyuuketsuki because your name is too long! T-T Hope you don't mind...

Characters: Ciel, Alois, xJudy, xMaddie, Lucia and Grell.

Start: Now. Because xJudy is hitting me over the head with her collection of twilight books. *shudder*

(Re-enactment)

xJudy: BACK TO HEAVEN THEE ANTI-TWILIGHTER! And get back to your fanfic LAZY! PRONTO! *whack*

xMaddie: EEK! OK! I WILL START NOW OK! *jumps into story*

Setting: Child Guidance Centre.

Enter: xMaddie and a bunch of people with problems.

All: *sits on plushy sofa*

Ciel: DAMNNIT! I DON'T HAVE PROBLEMS! * briefly glances at twirly toy thingy and starts fiddling with it*

xMaddie: YOU DO HAVE DEPRESSION!

Grell: UH-HUH! He's so gloomy and doesn't share Sebas-chan...

Alois: Like you are one to talk... *does sideway glance at xMaddie*

Ciel: It's just teenage angst... *sulk*

xMaddie: What's that supposed to mean you bipolar flamenco dancer? =.=

Alois: Hey! I am not the Schizophrenic! *sideway glance* And that dance is sexy.

xMaddie: I don't have Schizophrenia DAMNNIT. And I agree.

Ciel and Alois: O yes you do! And you are a paedophile too.

Madeline: HEY! THAT RHYMED! :D And I'm way younger then you. SO HAH.

xJudy: GUYS, GUYS, once we see the doctor and prove we- AHEM YOU all do not have problems we'll get outta here. UNDERSTAND?

Ciel and Alois and Madeline: Yes...

Grell: I don't have problems!

xJudy: You are LOVESICK, lady... And obsessed with death...

Grell: But it's so fascinating! X{

*5 minutes later*

Ciel: The wait is long... *digital queue number thingy reads (1897) while queue slip reads (1912)*

Lucia: THEN IT'S TIME FOR SPIN THE BOTTLE DARES! :3

xJudy: AGREED!

xMaddie: That was random.

Alois: Says voice number #7 in Madeline's head.

xMaddie: *glare* Wait... How do you know my real name? +

Ciel: Shuddup and SPIN THE BOTTLE!

Lucia: *spins* AHAHA! GRELL YOUR TURN!

DARE #1 *ding-ding!*

xMaddie: Well... See that door over there? See that (USE THIS DOOR) sign? Use the other one!++

Lucia and Alois: WHAT? That's no fun!

Ciel: Well, I wanna see what would happen...

xMaddie: Ciel, being a curios child again? :3

Ciel: *glare* I AM CIEL PHANTOMHIVE! AN EARL... * begins ranting and is ignored*

xJudy: You don't know what would happen Grell...

Grell: *gulps* Well... *walks up and places hand on door* Here goes... *random drum roll*PUSH!

xMaddie: O GOD SAVE US! Wait... nothing happened.

Lucia: Well, there goes a Dare... NOW THE NEXT! *spins* AHAHA! ALOIS! Well... Give me a suggestion!

Dare #2 *ding ding!*

Alois: That's easy. *smirk*-BEEEEE +++

-*please enjoy this light and cheerful music while we attempt to solve this technical difficulty- la-la-lalala lala-lalala*-++++

Lucia: KYAA! XD *nosebleed*

Alois: *wink*

Ciel: Whoa...

Grell: I think I'm falling in LOVE~!X))

Fan girls: WHAT? WHERE'S THE SUGGESTION! *glare*

xMaddie: *shrug* See footnote +++. AND BEFORE YOU GET THOSE KNIFE-WELDING NINJAS TO SIC ME, I WRITE THIS STUFF-!GAH!

xJudy: WOW. WOW. WOW. WOW. WOW. WOW. *can't unhear everything*

Lucia: *recovers from nosebleed* cough cough-time for another dare! *spins*CIEL!

Dare #3 *ding ding!*

Ciel: HEY! IS IT JUST ME OR ARE THE 3 OF US SET UP?

xMaddie: It's for the good of the society! And just do it...

xJudy: I DARE YOU TO GO TO A GAYBAR WITH ALOIS LATER!

Alois: DOES THIS MEAN I GET TO LICK HIM ALL OVER INCLUDING HIS –BEEP-?

xJudy: OF COURSE YOU CAN LICK HIM ALL OVER INCLUDING HIS –BEEP-!

Ciel: GAYBAR? Hang on... I am not legal yet! AND NO ONE'S TOUCHING MY –BEEP-!

Lucia: WHY NOT! I MEAN, IT'S A DARE!

xMaddie: STOP TALKING IN CAPS PEOPLE!

Grell: AH... All this talking about –BEEP- is getting me so –BEEP- and –BEEP-!

xMaddie: And WTF is –BEEP-?

Alois: *thinks* I don't know.

xMaddie: Well. Does anyone know?

All: Nope.

xMaddie: HOLY MAMA OF THE SAHARA AND INDOOR PLUMBING. No one knew WTF they were saying?

All: *glances at each other* No.

*digital queue number thingy buzzes with number (1912)*

xJudy: HEHEHE. Well time to go in people!

*1 hour later*

xMaddie: So no one had problems, huh.

Alois: Not at all.

Ciel: Tch. What a waste of time.

Grell: Speaking of time...

xMaddie: ITS GAYBAR FOR ALOIS AND CIEL TIME!

Ciel: SHIT!

Alois: LET'S GO MY LOVER! *drags Ciel off into the horizon and into gay bar*

xMaddie: Now it's the end of another chappie! Good morning/night/afternoon/whatever and will write soon!

xJudy: That was long...

Lucia: Yeah...

+ Kind of obvious... HEHE. But my full name is Madeline _ _ _. FEEL PRIVILEGED PEOPLE! (Note: I blacked my name out on 28th March 2012.)

++ In hospitals there really is a USE THIS DOOR sign and I have no freaking idea what is it for... And have always wondered...

+++ Sorry but I can't write details as my young adolescent mind would blow apart at the thought of anything more than Orgy Parties or Dominatrix Outfits, as seen in the previous chappie.

++++ If you all noticed, the light and cheerful music was actually the Happy Tree Friends theme song, one of Alois' favourite childhood cartoons, I reckon.

Sorry if I offended any twilighters! And that was random rhyming by the way! :D People who wants to appear in chapters please tell me! Or else it would be awkward when you are reading and you're like WTF WHY AM I IN THERE. If you were wondering why the Fan girls were so quiet in this chappie it because I told them all of us would get thrown out of the hospital if they were noisy. Sorry for no Claude or Sebastian cause this fanfic will be too bloody long with them (and it's already long enough right?). Have high hopes on next chappie though. :3 And I know all of them are OOC and I am gonna try to improve... And now...As Jigsaw used to say, LET'S PLAY A GAME. FILL IN THE BEEPS WITH WORDS AND PUT THEM IN YOUR REVIEW!

E.G. Alois: DOES THIS MEAN I GET TO LICK HIM ALL OVER INCLUDING HIS ROYAL DOULTEN TEA SET?

xJudy: OF COURSE YOU CAN LICK HIM ALL OVER INCLUDING HIS PILLOWS AND BEDPOSTS!

Ciel: GAYBAR? Hang on... I am not legal yet! AND NO ONE'S TOUCHING MY LIMITED EDITION SASHA BEAR!

Lucia: WHY NOT! I MEAN, IT'S A DARE!

xMaddie: STOP TALKING IN CAPS PEOPLE!

Grell: AH... All this talking about Sasha Bears is getting me so hyped and happy!

xMaddie: And WTF is A LLAMA CAMEL HYBRID?

Thanks for reading this footnote and I will be writing soon! CIAO! Sorry for so many footnotes and how the hell we managed to make so much noise in a hospital still is a mystery to me.

Note to Lucia: Did you mean 'Alois give me suggestion' as in really a suggestion? If it is then YAY! :D If not then apologies... I must have misunderstood. ACK. :P


	3. MODERN KUROSHITSUJI: PART UN

MODERN KUROSHITSUJI?

HI PEOPLE! What if Kuroshitsuji was to take place in MODERN TIMES with me around? (Probably Sebastian and Claude would get arrested for raping minors but that's for another story.) ONWARD!

WARNING: May go off topic. XD

xJudySebby:I feel your pain of being in a contract you cant get out of ... *sobs cos I was stupid enough to get into one when I was young* xMaddie: My contract you mean... -.-" HEHE.

ILuvFuntomCandyz: I can't send you a PM... T-T But yeah that was funny! :D –sudden change of emotion (Peeps who don't know what I'm talking about please see reviews!)

Claude and Sebby will be here! :3 (The reason why Grell is present in all the chappies is because he's my favourite out of all of them! *squeezes Grell* but in the manga I like Charles Grey more. :P)

DAY IN THE LIFE OF KUROSHITSUJI. YEAR 2010.

Sebastian: Good morning, young master. *presses remote control so automated curtains open and air-con turns off* for today's breakfast, we have cranberry jam with bread or pancakes and hash browns. Today's drink will be OJ. Which breakfast would you like?

xMaddie: BOO FOR BORING! DX (wait... that didn't make sense...)

Lucia: WE CAME HERE TO SEE CRACK AND IMPLIED YAOI DAMNNIT!

Ciel: WTF YA'LL DOING IN MY ROOM! O.O *genuine WTF face*

Sebastian: Language, young master...

xMaddie: AHEM. Anyways continue with your daily activities please...

Ciel: O.O How (the hell) am I supposed to do that with you two hanging around in a La-Z-Boy with a bucket of popcorn?

xMaddie: Be a man and just do it! *jumps out of La-Z-Boy and throws popcorn at Ciel*

Sebastian: But he isn't a man.

Ciel: *glare* Do you want me to order you to go to a cosplay fest again?

Sebastian: No, Young master.

*Flashback*

Fan girls: Wait a minute... IS THAT SEBASTIAN? KYAAAA! *charges toward Sebastian*

Sebastian: GAHH! *gets crushed among 32 Ciels (11 of which were Ciel's in dresses), 24 Alois's, 27 Grell's, 21 Madam Reds, 3 Angela's, 16 Maylene's, 3 Beasts, 11 Finnie's, 17 Elizabeth's and 1 Hanna, followed by other cosplaying innocent characters that have been pushed by the... erm... *searches thesaurus* ... AHAH! -AMALGAMATION of fan girls towards Sebastian*

*End Flashback*

Sebastian: *shudder*

Ciel: Hehe.

xMaddie: That's PURE EVIL WIN. XD

(Since this is the MODERN TIMES, Ciel has to go to school. What you are about to read is about to sound like some Ciel-goes-to-school-and-makes-friends fanfic. OR NOT. XD )

Ciel: Sebastian, get my car ready. We are leaving soon.

Sebastian: Yes, Young Master.

xMaddie: *follows Sebastian into garage* WTF! *incomprehensible garble+ foam coming out of mouth+ hyperventilating*

Lucia and xJudy: WHAT WHAT? *looks around in panic*

xMaddie: Ashton Martin Vantage V-12, Bentley Mulsanne, Jaguar XJ, Lotus Exige S, Rolls Royce Phantom, McLaren F1, I am in... CAR HEAVEN! *sparkly eyes*

Lucia and xJudy: ... *awkward breeze*

xMaddie: HAVE... TO... LICK... CARZZZ!

Sebastian: *holds xMaddie back by collar* my, my... *shakes head*

xMaddie: GRR! *snaps teeth at hand* YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! GRR! *in head (Cars: Where have you been Maddie? We missed you so much! Ah~! xMaddie: But I am back! Let's stay together my dear cars! Ah~!*

Sebastian: *somehow started a Rolls Royce Silver Shadow while holding onto xMaddie* Well... I have to get Young Master to school, so... *slams xMaddie and co. Out of garage*

xMaddie: WAHH! LET ME RIDE! *sob sob* Damn. Why does he have so much money...

Lucia and xJudy: ... *awkward breeze made even more awkward*

Ciel: CUZ I'M A GODDAMN EARL! HUAHUAHUAHUA! *appears out of nowhere and enters car... plush car... sweet sweet car... my love-*

xJudy: *dumps an anvil on xMaddie* MADDIE GET BACK TO THE FREAKING STORY AND STOP TALKING ABOUT FREAKING CARS!

Lucia: And this is the point where all 3 of us bundles into the car!

All 3 of us: *bundles into car*

Ciel: GAH! *gets squashed*

xMaddie: WELL, THE CHAPPIE MUST GO ON!

*15 minutes later*

xMaddie: Well here we are at Ciel's school which will remain un-named! X3 or you may call it London Middle School... (No idea if it exists... :P)

Ciel: I would prefer if you 3 keep a low profile to avoid ruining my reputation. *adds on at second thought* Please.

Us 3: *ignores*

Lucia: OMG! IS THAT CLAUDEY! If Claude is here means Alois is here!

Alois: Hi my lovely friends and dearest lover, CIEL! *waves and does dance* OLE!

Claude: Young Master, I have done yesterday's homework for you. * Hands stack of papers to Alois*

Alois: Thanks Claude! *smooch* See you after school! :D

Claude: *kept emotionless face but somehow got into staring battle with Sebastian, with Lucia Kyaa-ing at leg*

xMaddie: HELLO BUTLERS! HAVE YOUR BATTLE SOMEWHERE ELSE BECAUSE THIS IS A SCHOOL AND THE LITTLE CHILDREN ARE GETTING CREEPED AND ARE STARING! (Yes, if you think about it, two strange men standing outside your school gate staring at each other like they wanna kill each other are, in fact WEIRD.)

School bell: RIIIINNNGGGG!

Ciel the good student: GAH! CRAP! LATE! *runs into school block and into classroom*

Remaining 4 of us: WAIT! *follows*

FIRST CLASS: MATH (Viscount teaching math? I kid... But he's a qualified Dr. so he's smart... right?)

Viscount: Ok my sweet song thrushes and cheerful robins! Today we will start with ALGEBRA! Does anyone know how to solve the question on the board?

Ciel: *shudders with a certain memory*

xJudy: ME ME ME! *stands up and solves it in 5 seconds _being the freak at algebra she is-added by xMaddie*_

Viscount: Good job my lovely finch! So, algebra is about...*drones on about algebra while using amazing vocabulary and dramatic movements*

xMaddie: Gonna fall asleep... (This is what I do during math class... is reason why my math sucks. :P)

Alois: *is already asleep*

Viscount: NOW, I have a worksheet for you to do! *hands out worksheet* Now if you little darling parakeets don't know how to solve anything, just ask me!

Ciel: *shudders and looks at worksheet* Solve the equation... A+B=C... What is C...?

xMaddie: *glances around* Lucia- Thinks hard but does correctly. (Dang... So smart...) Judy- Algebra expert does not use effort but gets correct anyways. (Dang... Another smart one...) Alois- Still snoozing... Ciel- o.o...

Ciel: C? What is C? Isn't C for CAKES and A for APPLE, B for BOY? But APPLE+BOY does NOT = to CAKES. (That was what I kept writing on my worksheets... I just cancel the letters and put words in...)

xMaddie: *sympathetic tears* I understand you Ciel... I understand you...

Ciel: WHAT? *incredulous look= still does not understand situation*

School bell: RIIIINNNGGGG!

xJudy and Lucia and xMaddie: YAY! NEXT CLASS! *all excited*

SECOND CLASS: HOME ECONOMICS (Alois isn't in this class... But Grell and Elizabeth are!)

Mr. Sutcliff: OK CLASS~! TODAY WE ARE GONNA COOK CHICKEN STEW~! *goes on enthusiastically about chicken and stew* (It's in my textbook ^^)

xMaddie: GRELL!

Mr. Sutcliff: AH! Maddie! It's Mr. Sutcliff! But I would have my students calling me Ms. Sutcliff if it was not for the school...

Class: *awkward shifting behind their counters*

Elizabeth: CIEL! ISN'T IT GREAT THAT I'M YOUR PARTNER TODAY! ^^

Ciel: Uh-huh... *tries to ignore Elizabeth clinging onto arm*

xMaddie: *starts tenderizing meat*

Lucia: *starts chopping vegetables*

xJudy: *starts washing her bowl and utensils so she can get the stew first and quickly*

Elizabeth: I like home economics! Ciel, do you like home economics? It's so fun! I can't wait til the stew is complete! Mr. Sutcliff is really nice right! His clothes are cute! Ciel, you have to make the chicken tenderer so the stew will taste nicer! OH NO! The chicken stock is boiling over!

Ciel: Hey. HEY. HEY! LISTEN WHEN PEOPLE TALK!

xMaddie: Agrees with statement #5 and #6 of Elizabeth's rambling. :D Hurhurhur...

*20 minutes later*

Lucia: The stew is done!

xJudy: Scoop it into my bowl!

Ciel: Our stew seems... FAILED.

Elizabeth: WAHHH! Oh no Ciel! I am so sorry! *sob sob*

Ciel: It's OK! *annoyed but stills panics*

School bell: RIIIINNNGGGG!

HI PEOPLE! THIS IS PART UN BECAUSE IT'S TOO LONG AND MY FINGERTIPS ARE BURNT OUT FROM TIP-TAP TAPPING THE KEYBOARD... But I have heard your voices (actually ILuvFuntomCandyz one...) and UNDERTAKER will be appearing in PART DEUX of MODERN KUROSHITSUJI and there WILL be more Claude and Sebby too! (If not you can chop my head off ('_because everyone knows human head tastes bad'-"How to cook a human" by 'Sebastian Michaels'_), barbecue my body, eat me, throw me up and feed me to the fishes living in the Singapore River (_cause everyone knows the Singapore government feeds them toxic waste and they have grown into humongous man-eating monster fishes- Finny_). Now, before I start a monologue, let me get straight to the point, AHEM. THANK YOU ALL FOR SPENDING YOUR PRECIOUS TIME READING THIS AND REVIEWING AS WELL! WILL BE WRITING SOON! THANKS! X3

Reviews are like an isotonic drink for writers. SO REVIEW! Don't be lazy (like me)... X)


	4. MODERN KUROSHITSUJI: PART DEUX

MODERN KUROSHITSUJI?

HI PEOPLE! PART DEUX IS HERE! DING DING! If you don't know what I'm TALKING BOUT (BLAH BLAH BLAH) XD please refer to the previous chappie. Because we don't want anyone to get lost, yes?

Warning: May go off topic. XD

ILuvFuntomCandyz: YEAH! You're right! HAHA! Thanks for reviewing! X)

Note: Judy has made me write faster by spamming my inbox with dozens-no, hundreds of messages. So here you are! XD Just kidding... The reason why I took so long to update was because I had Japanese classes to attend, and it will probably go on like that for quite a while. So please be patient with me! :D

Undertaker, Claude, Sebastian, the usual, but hold the tomato. ONWARD! XD

DAY IN THE LIFE OF KUROSHITSUJI. YEAR 2010.

THIRD PERIOD: RECESS 

Random Lunch Lady: TODAY ON THE MENU: MYSTERY MEAT, PEAS AND POTATOES, TUNA WRAP!

All: *looks like they are going to throw up*

Ciel & Alois: LET ME GO HOME! I WANT SEBASTIAN'S/CLAUDE'S COOOOOKKIINNNGGG! DX

xMaddie: *drags Ciel and Alois by the collar* Well, it's the only choice here. So, QUEUE!

*after 5 minutes of queuing*

Random Lunch Lady: Here you go, some warm meat, peas and potatoes and today's specialty: TUNA WRAP! *plunks food on everyone's tray*

xJudy and Lucia and xMaddie: *almost keeps from retching*

*after 5 minutes of squeezing through sweaty human bodies in search of a table, FINALLY*

xMaddie: HOLY COWS OF THE GREAT DAISY FIELD! *plunks tray down and sits on plastic stool*

Ciel: Is this actually edible? *pokes a grey-ish lump in mystery meat and stares offending at peas* Erm... Alois, I'm not hungry anymore. Want my share?

Alois: Erm, no thanks...Well, the potatoes look edible... *munch* tastes... like... bloody cardboard.

xJudy: Uhh. When you say 'bloody cardboard' do you mean it literally? O.O

Alois: Uhh, no.

Lucia: Wait a minute! Don't you notice something?

All: WHAT?

Lucia: There have been no fan girls since the last chappie.

All: ... *cold breeze* Oh jizz.

Fan girls: KYAA! XD *starts to run towards our table*

xMaddie: CODE RED! GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE, EEK! DX

School bell: RIIIINNNGGGG!

FOURTH CLASS: BIO-CHEM (Un-der-ta-ker time! XD)

Undertaker: I'm undertaker and today we are going to learn about Cells and DNA... gufufu/hihihi... +

xMaddie: YAY TO BIO! (Loves bio-chem cause it's easier than physics, what with all those formulas.)

Soma: HI CIEL AND FRIENDS! :D

Ciel: *sigh* Why do I get all these freaks as my partners...

Undertaker: Now, examine the slide in your microscope... do you see the cell? Gufufu/hihihi...+

xJudy: the cells... wow... the cell... BD

Soma: *tears a piece of paper from book to fold a lotus* this is boring...

xMaddie: No it isn't. It's fuuuunnn! *draws imaginary rainbow above head*

Lucia: You just did the SpongeBob thing... O.O

xMaddie: F is for friends who do stuff together... *starts singing*

Soma: U is for you and me... *joins*

Ciel: Annoying... *concentrates in finding cell*

xJudy: N is for anytime and anywhere at all! *joins as well*

Undertaker: DOWN IN THE DEEP BLUE SEA! Gufufu/hihihi...+

Class: *cricket sounds*

Lucia: WOW that was awkward.

Ciel: Agreed.

Undertaker: For today's homework, we shall do... *giggles on and on while lecturing*

xMaddie: I like this class. It's FUN! XD *does imaginary rainbow above head... again*

Ciel: If you start again, you'll rue the day you were born. *glare*

xJudy: F is for friends who do stuff together...

School bell: RIIIINNNGGGG!

LAST CLASS: INTEGRETED PROJECT WORK (Angela as form teacher? OMG!)

Ms Blanc: Good afternoon class! ^^

Class: *mumbles* goo mffternoon msh blan...

Ciel: Angela? WTF IS WRONG WITH THIS SCHOOL? FIRST A PEDOPHILE, NEXT A TRANNIE, THIRD IS AN UNDERTAKER, NOW IS A SADISTIC PERSON. WTF?

Principal of school says: We are short handed... so... *apologetic face*

Ciel: *mortified*doesn't mean you can hire freaks! GODDAMN. *huff*

xMaddie: Relax, it isn't that bad...

xJudy: O yeah, what are we supposed to do?

Lucia: Design something to solve a problem... right?

xMaddie: Yeah...

Alois: I AM HERE! *grand entrance complete with fireworks and such*

Ciel: Hey, tardy boy.

Ms Blanc: Alois! Come here! *starts punishment in own special way*

Alois: GAH! SAVE ME! *going along with punishment... actually*

xJudy: Can't unsee. Can't Can't Can't.

xMaddie: STAY PURE JUDY! STAY PURE! *getting influenced from nearby lecture of being pure*

Ms Blanc: *back from punishing Alois* Well, class, decide what you want to do in your groups then come back next week and submit your work! ^^

Alois: Ow... XB

School bell: RIIIINNNGGGG!

SCHOOL END.

Ciel: NOT COMING BACK! NOT NEXT WEEK, NOT NEVER! GAH! *rushes out of school gate*

Remaining 4: WAIT!

xMaddie: Dang... always running off.

Alois: Ahh! Claude is here!

Claude: Your highness, it is time to go home.

Alois: Damn right!

Ciel: Sebastian. You're late.

Sebastian: Sorry Young master.

xMaddie: Sebastian, why are you wearing a scarf and an old lady costume? O.O

Sebastian: I am trying to avoid-

Grell: KYAA! SEBAS-CHAN! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU WERE COMING? XD

Claude: *snigger*

All: *stares at Claude*

xMaddie: Did Claude just show emotion?

Alois: Claude! This is a big moment in history...

Grell: Sebas-chan! Want to go out with me tomorrow? *starts talking about what they can do together*

Sebastian: *dignity going down down down down...* sigh... *sudden idea and evil gleam in eye*

Ciel: Sebastian... *wary*

xMaddie: Err... was that an evil gleam?

xJudy: Yep...

Sebastian: *tears off old lady costume only to reveal a tuxedo whilst earning a KYAA! XD from fan girls and Grell* Claude, *drum roll* Kiss me.

All: WHHHAAATTT? *epic shock*

Claude: *no emotion*

Grell: WHHHAAAATTT! Sebas-chan! How could you! *gasp* CLAUDE, YOU EVIL DOG! YOU SEDUCED SEBAS-CHAN AWAY FROM ME! *attacks Claude with chainsaw*

Sebastian: TEE-HEE! *picks Ciel up and runs towards Bentley*

Alois: CLAUDE! I ORDER YOU TO TAKE ME HOME!

Ciel: Let's go home.

Sebastian & Claude: Yes, my lord/Yes, your highness.

xJudy: That seemed so fakey fakey... like something out of some cheesy show.

xMaddie: He he... *makes reminder to edit that part*

Lucia: And this is the point where the 3 of us bundles in the car, AGAIN!

Remaining 3 of us: *bundles into car, again*

Ciel: GAH! STOP THAT! *gets squashed*

+ Well, guys, I have no idea which Undertaker laugh you all prefer, so yeah...

HI PEOPLE! END OF PART DEUX. THANKS FOR READING AND THERE'S GONNA BE A PART TROIS! Then a new story. HAHA. What did I tell you? CLAUDE AND SEBBY ACTION! HAHA! And Undertaker YAY! So ONCE AGAIN, THANKS FOR READING AND REVIEWING! XD WILL TRY TO WRITE SOON! And if anything is pissing you off, or you wanna add something, anything to improve the story, please tell me! THANKS AGAIN! XD

Part TROIS (or some part of it...) preview: Laptops + yaoi fan fiction= chaos in the Phantomhive house. Suggested by Buzzbug 82. THANK YOU! X3


	5. MODERN KUROSHITSUJI: PART TROIS

MODERN KUROSHITSUJI?

HI PEOPLE! PART TROIS IS HERE! SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING FASTER... HEH. WAS WATCHING TOO MUCH ANIME AND READING TOO MUCH MANGA... HOPE YOU ALL NOT GETTING BORED!

Warning: Characters may be too out-of-character for you in this chappie. Hohoho. (It's the Christmas spirit getting to me. Or it could be Tanaka.) XD

Review replies: HELLO DEAREST REVIEWERS! I think I didn't send you all any replies, and you may be wondering if I died or something... BUT FEAR NOT! I AM ALWAYS HERE! It's just that I forgot if I actually sent you all replies... and so if I sent you two it would be weird... So, I am just putting everything here! *reads review page and then goes on to sit in corner to grow mushrooms...* must be losing readers... T-T but anyways! THANKS TO THOSE WHO ARE REVIEWING AND I TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU ALL ON EVERYTHING THAT YOU SAY!

xJudy: Everything? *innocent face and switches laptop on, presumably to review*

xMaddie: EVERYTHING! As long as your house doesn't get burnt down by a mysterious somebody... EVERYTHING! THANKS AGAIN AND ONWARD! ^^

DAY IN THE LIFE OF 2010

Narrator: It was one fine day in the Phantomhive household, Finny was mowing the flower (no mistake here) bed, Maylene was pouring bleach into the washing machine, and Bard was cooking Mac-and-Cheese in the microwave oven.

xMaddie: WAIT A MINUTE! THAT SOUNDED NORMAL!

Narrator: *sigh* Bard was cooking Mac-and-cheese-in-a-metal-tin in the microwave oven.

Sound effect operator: KABOOM!

xMaddie: *nods with appreciation* that's more like it!

Narrator: At this moment, Sebastian would come in and do a dramatic sexy-looking face palm and would demand that Bard clean it up right away.

Fangirls: *stares in anticipation at kitchen door*

Narrator: AHEM. As I was saying, SEBASTAN WOULD COME IN AND...

*Meanwhile*

xJudy: *does iron grip thingy on Sebastian's suit*...so anyways, I think you should be taking a look at some fan fiction.

Sebastian: I don't see why I should.

xJudy: It's interesting!

Sebastian: The only thing I do on my laptop is listen to Techno, Dance, House or Industrial music and play world of Warcraft... Now excuse me...

xJudy: If you visit it... I'LL GIVE YOU THIS LIMITED EDITION SUPA PLUSHY TOO REAL KITTIE STUFFY TOY! *takes out 5 feet tall limited edition super plushy too real kitty stuffy toy somehow from behind her* XD

Sebastian: *does Grell like expression... wow* O YES! XD

Fangirls: KYAA! XD... Eh? What just happened?

xJudy: Search ***** (One of my favourites, I support AloisxCiel BTW. *gets shot*)

*On the other side of the mansion*

xMaddie: HEY CIEL! *bursts into the room*

Ciel: GAH! *frantically clicks away something on laptop* DON'T COME INTO MY STUDY LIKE THAT!

xMaddie: *steps outside, knocks door and enters* What were you doing?

Ciel: *blush* nothing...

Fangirls: KYAA! XD

xMaddie: Hmm... *raises eyebrow* Anyways... here's a website you may like!Deviantart! ^^

Ciel: I got better things to do...

xMaddie: Like what! Show me show me!

Ciel: OK! *so obvious what he was looking at* I'LL VISIT THE WEBSITE SO JUST GO AWAY!

xMaddie: OKAY! Search ***** (Damn... I don't know if the artist will shoot me so I can't put anything here I guess... But I'll send you reviewers an email if you want to know. :D It's so good... TTuTT)

*In the middle of the mansion* (what the hell man, I suddenly forgot how to spell mansion)

xMaddie: Hey Judy! Mission accomplished?

xJudy: Hell yeah! *hi-5* Wait for it...

Narrator: Suddenly screams- no, manly screams came from either side of the mansion.

*zoom to Ciel's study*

Sebastian: *bursts into study with laptop* Young master! I thought you loved me! (WOW. That was subtle.)

Ciel: OF COURSE I DID YOU MANWHORE! *turns laptop which has a VERY COMPROMISING picture of Sebastian and Claude on it...* (I support SebastianxClaude as well. Heh...)

Narrator: And so this was Sebastian and Ciel's first exposure to yaoi... and lemons.

xMaddie: *nods head* I knew there was something going on between them...

xJudy: It was obvious... -.-"

xMaddie: Still good to say out loud...

xJudy: True... LET'S GO ONTO THE TRANCY MANSION!

Narrator: And so, over the hill, past 14 cows, 3 light years later and into the Trancy mansion.

*Trancy Mansion*

Alois: WELCOME!

xMaddie: HI!

xJudy: Where's Claude?

Alois: Erm... Playing WoW? He's so addicted...

xMaddie: Hey, I got a wonderful idea! *whisper whisper*

Alois: YES! CLAUDE COME HERE!

Claude: *blank*

Alois: I ORDER YOU TO ACT LIKE GRELL!

*awkward silence*

Claude: ARGH! WHAT DULL CLOTHES I AM WEARING! WHERE ARE ALL MY RED CLOTHING! *runs away and comes back in Grell's Choir Boy outfit... no idea where he got it from*

xMaddie: OMG! ROFL! *takes a few pictures* I have to show this to Sebastian. HAHA.

xJudy: Erm... Alois? Is he doing all this in like a trance state?

Alois: Nah, he's conscious.

xMaddie: Somebody's going to die when this is over.

Claude: *starts singing Die Hansen*

xMaddie: WOW. He's good.

Alois: *nods* HEY CLAUDE! DANCE!

Claude: *tip tap tip tap tip tap* OLE!

xMaddie: AGAIN AGAIN! *whips out video recorder*

xJudy: This is one of the historical moments in Claude's life where there is actually emotion on his face. Please observe.

Claude: *sudden Grell breakout* I HAVE TO SEE MY DEAREST SEBASTIAN TODAY!

*awkward silence*

Alois: *stifled laughter* Yeah, go see him!

Claude: ALL RIGHT! *does Signature Grell Pose™*

Narrator: And so back to the Phantomhive Mansion, over the hill, past 47 sheep and 3 light years, in to the Phantomhive Manor.

*Phantomhive Mansion*

Claude: AHH! SEBAS-CHAN! *glomps Sebas-chan. I meant Sebastian* (Imagine this. Claude in Grell's Choir Boy Outfit glomping Sebastian. Someone make a deviant quick.)

Sebastian: WTH! MOVE OR I'LL CUT YOU!

Claude: *rubs against Sebastian* SEBAS-CHAN, I MISSED YOU!

Ciel: What's going on! OMG! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING! AN ABDOMINATION! *horrified*

Sebastian: YOUNG MASTER DON'T LOOK!

Ciel: What the- OMG IT'S CLAUDE! AHAHA!

Alois: HEY CIEL! *obviously wants to provoke Ciel*

Ciel: EEK! What the hell! SHOO! *runs and hides in somewhere*

Alois: HEY WAIT! *chase*

Sebastian: *kicks Claude away*

Claude: BOO HOO! *starts sobbing* Sebas-chan!

xMaddie: OMG! CLAUDE DON'T CRY! *takes a few pictures*

xJudy: OMG! WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO! SCHOOL DIDN'T TEACH US HOW-TO-STOP-A-DEMON-FROM-CRYING! BAD SEBASTIAN!

Sebastian: He'll stop crying... sooner or later. *obviously itching to call other demon pals here to watch but resists and takes a few pictures*

Narrator: Somewhere else in the mansion, two young masters were playing chess...

Ciel: Why do you keep winning! Can't you let me win for once!

Alois: Well, I'm better.

Ciel: DAMN YOU!

Narrator: Back to the main hall...

xMaddie: PLEASE STOP CRYING! *mops up a bucket of water*

xJudy: Just let him be... I think that Alois has kicked him one too many times in his balls and he has to let it all out.

xMaddie: True...

Claude: *wipes tears away*

xMaddie: THANK GOD!

Sebastian: Finally...

Alois: *slides down banister of stairs* OK CLAUDE! LET'S GO HOME!

Claude: OK! YOUNG MASTER! *gives Sebas-chan a flying kiss. I meant Sebastian damnnit*

Sebastian: *temperature drop*

Alois: BYE!

Claude: BYE!

xMaddie: Somebody's going to die...

Ciel: Phew! Finally everything is over!

Sebastian: Yes, young master.

xMaddie: It's the end of part 3!

xJudy and xMaddie: BYE!

Thanks for reading... took me three days to complete this cause anime and manga proved to be too distracting. Hehe. Don't forget to review! ^^


	6. KUROSHITSUJI DREAMLAND!

KUROSHITSUJI DREAMLAND!

Hey all who reads my shitty fanfics! XD First of all, I would like to say SORRY for not updating regularly, and I know it has been 3 months since I uploaded the last story. BUT school started and well, the homework and exams were REALLY stressing me out. Such that I haven't been on the computer since December. (Only my phone.) D: I would write a really long apology letter if you asked me to, but you people are all kind souls, yes? :3 OTL x20000.

Warning: May not make sense AT ALL and may be BORING.

This one is about the characters and their wacked dreams ENJOY! (Hopefully)

Characters: Me, Judythetard, Sebastian, Ciel, Alois, Grell (kinda)

Song I was listening to: If I was you (OMG) - Far East Movement ft. Snoop Dogg and my sister playing the piano. Ballad of Mona Lisa was stuck in my head though. ONWARD!

Maddie: I AM BACK FROM A LONG BREAK (read the top yo)! XD *busts into mansion and pops a fire cracker*

POP! *crickets*

Sebastian: Tea?

Maddie: AWWH, WHAT A FREAKING WARM WELCOME PEOPLE. Thanks Sebastian. *accepts tea*

Ciel: You are welcome. *looking like a pimping-little master*

Alois: Yep. So much for ditching your readers and friends for school. *files nails*

Maddie: It was a crazy term... *stretches lips into thin smile that somehow says INSANE and sips tea*

Judy: So, what we gonna do now?

Maddie: AHH! GLAD YOU ASKED! XD *sip*

Ciel: Please don't talk in capitals... *covers delicate ears*

Maddie: Geez... RIGHT, AN EXPERIMENT (I have no idea) I SAY! *sip*

Judy: OH, THAT.

Maddie: YES, THAT! *sip*

Lau: O YAH, THAT INDEED! *nod nod*

Ciel: MAY I KNOW WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?

Maddie: That. LET'S START! XD *jumps into story while sipping tea*

Ciel's point of view

**Ugh. I shouldn't have read Little Red Riding Hood. Now I am scared of the monsters under my bed. Damn. I thought I got over them like when I was 12. But NO, the demons of the past have to haunt me. Was that a correct word choice? Ugh, who cares? Yawn. I should... sleep...**

_Wha-? Is this... wait. This is the woods the big bad wolf resides in no? Hmm. Crap. I should look for somebody. OH! LOOK! HELP! Is that... OH SHIT. Freaking Alois. One day I am gonna kill him and his sexy ass. Grr. Can he even hear me? Don't tell me it's one of those dreams where I scream but nobody hears. I hate them. He's coming closer here. YAY! HI ALOIS! Err...Where are you going now? OKAY, what the hell just happened? Why am I tied up here? O SHIT! SEBASTIAN! HELP! RAPE! DX O SHIT! SOMEONE! O FOR THE SAKE OF ALL THAT'S CHOCOLATE. Yum. Chocolate. SEBASTIAN'S COMING! What the hell is he wearing? Is that a... blobfish outfit? It has pink tassels... and sparkles...Wait... he's pirouetting around the room. HAHA. O hell no! I NEED A PHONE AND AN INTERNET CONNECTION. I'm gonna piss my pants... laughing to hard... OH! Alois is back! Stop humping the bed you perverted idiot! Geez... WOAH. Where'd the blobfish and Alois go? Damn. One day I have to make the demon wear a blobfish costume as his uniform. WHAT WAS THAT? Pluto! Save me! You just singed my hair... Idiot. Why must I keep all these idiots in my house? Just because I'm rich doesn't mean I can afford to have my house and furniture destroyed again and again... Who the hell is humping my bed again? Must be freaking Alois. Is it morning soon? Gotta wake up anytime now... I can smell the delicious scent of first-rate expensive ass tea now..._

**Sunlight... bright... I wish I could sleep the whole day... Sebastian? Morning. Do you mind wearing a blobfish costume as your uniform from now on? ;)**

Maddie: O.O *sips*

Judy: *whistles* That is one evil boy. AND STOP SIPPING YOUR TEA DAMN IT!

Ciel: WTF, DID YOU ALL JUST PEER INTO MY DREAMS?

Alois: YEP! Now I know that I have a sexy ass in your opinion. THANKS CIEL! *glomp*

Ciel: GGGARGH! *dies*

Alois: O SHIT DON'T DIE ON ME CIEL! LITERALLY. Cause everyone loves BL around here.

Ciel: I didn't die dammnit. Who typed that?

Maddie: Right... MOVING ON. NEXT! *drinks tea and throws tea cup onto floor*

Sebastian: *glares and cleans up*

Sebastian's point of view

**I THINK I JUST DIED FROM TODAY'S WORKLOAD. THANKS YOUNG MASTER. WHAT WAS THAT ORDER AGAIN? FLY TO THE FREAKING MOON AND GET YOU A FREAKING PIECE OF MOON ROCK? SURE THING. IN 10 MINUTES? BUT... ALRIGHT. WHILE STOPPING BY THE NORTH POLE TO GET A CHIP OF THE GLACIER TO SEE HOW COLD IT IS? UHH... OK. YOUNG MASTER, ITS 0 DEGREES CELCIUS. YEP. I DON'T CARE. I AM GONNA SLEEP TONIGHT. HMMPH.**

_Good. Nobody can bother me in my dreamland. Ahh... being here is great... FANTABULOUS. You know, even though Ciel may be such a BRAT, he is so cute, I feel like raping him. So many kitties... Who was that I saw? Strange. Nobody is usually here. In fact, never before. Hmm... Must be my imagination. Soft soft soft paws, fluffy fur, big round eyes... Is that the sound of a chainsaw? O NO. IT CAN'T BE. NOOOO! GRELL! FUCK! LET ME GO! WHAT YOU GONNA DO! AHHHH! NOOO! SOMEBODY! HELP! AHHHH! O FOR THE LOVE OF PURE DELICIOUS SOULS! LET GO! Sob sob sob... I just got dream raped... I should just wake up. SHIT! I SHOULD HAVE DONE THAT LIKE A WHILE AGO. I must be getting old. Sigh. That has nothing to do with anything. I like cats. _

**SHIT. I JUST GOT DREAM RAPED. BY GRELL. LUCKY IT'S JUST A DREAM. TIME TO WAKE YOUNG MASTER UP. SIGH.**

Ciel: Pfft. Best punishment for slacking.

Sebastian: I was dream-raped, young master. You don't care? D:

Maddie: What... That's evil Ciel.

Judy: True that... Where'd your science knowledge go to anyways?

Alois: HEY! WHEN'S IT MY TURN TO DREAM.

Judy: NOW.

Alois' point of view

**3 cheers for me for being so smart and sexy! Hiding under Ciel's bed was one fantastic idea. And Ciel's butler didn't even sense my presence in the room. HAH. I win. **(Ciel: SEBASTIAN! D: Sebastian: Sorry young master... but if you refer to the top part... *grin*) **WOW, I'm sexy. Time to watch Ciel sleep! But... me sleepy too... yawn... rocka bye...**

_HELLO CIEL! YOU ARE IN MY DREAM! *humps Ciel* Ow. You didn't have to call me a pussy ass gay fag. That's evil. EVILL CIEL! Sobs sobs sobs... Why doesn't anybody love me? IT'S OK BARNEY, I HAVE YOU AND YOU HAVE ME. WE'LL STAND BY EACH OTHER AGAINST THE FORCES OF SNOBBY CIEL-LIKE PEOPLE. Ahem. I like Claude. HERE CLAUDEY-CLAUDE! :D Wear a tutu and dance the nutcracker! That's an order. Record it and post it on your YouTube account. LOVE YOU!Meanwhile, I'll ask Hanna to cook me an actual egg. Not the stupid sunny-side ups. BITCH CAN'T DO SHIT! I like men. I like Claude. I like little boys. I like Ciel. Speaking of which... CIEL! *humps Ciel* Ow. YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO CALL ME THAT AGAIN! ARGH!_

**Eep! Ciel's gonna wake up and the butler's gonna come in. Gotta go! Bergh...**

Ciel: Oh. So THAT WAS REALLY YOU HUMPING MY BED. I AM FEELING SO VIOLATED NOW.

Sebastian: Now you know what it feels like, young master.

Alois: AWH, don't feel too bad, it ain't the first time. 3

Maddie: WAHAHAHA. TRUE THAT! *paedophilic nature presents itself* BREAK INTO A SONG!

Do you ever feel, like a paedophile, touching little kids, and wearing trench coats~ sung to Fireworks.

Judy: Hey... THAT'S STALKER BEHAVIOUR FOOL!

Sebastian: I wear a trench coat...

Claude: Pfft... XD

Ciel: WRONG SEBASTIAN, WRONG. YOU WEAR A BLOBFISH COSTUME FROM NOW ON REMEMBER?

Sebastian: ... Never once in my whole life am I so humiliated.

Ciel: BOO HOO. DEAL WITH IT BITCH. *waves pimp cane like the biggest pimp in Whitechapel*

Alois: EHEH.

Maddie: Did you just say that because you have nothing to say...? =.=

Alois: Yep.

Judy: Right...

*awkward silence*

Maddie: RIGHT, PIP PIP SCITT SCOTT FRUIT CAKES AND DUCKIES. Gonna end this soon if no one has anything to say...

*awkward silence*

Maddie: KAY THANKS BYE.

GOSHIES! Completed! There's gonna be a part 2 by the way... Claude and Grell is gonna be there. And a SURPRISE CHARACTER! XD Review and tell me who you wants to be here. Let me know you read it, at least. Pretty please with the cherry on top? :3 DO IT!

And in case you were wondering, Lau popped in and out of the room. Cause he had nothing better to do. XD Maybe editing it again. Cause I kinda has a writer's block and can't think properly.

_Reviews make you seem sexy to the writer. Be sexy. ~ Miss Madeline_


	7. SADDEST CHAPTER I'LL WRITE!

Posting this here so that I have a cleaner profile, I suppose. One fanfic is neater than two. :3 Sorry! This will be the most angsty chapter I'll write. PROMISE!

_Inspired by 'Si Deus Me Relinquit'. _

VERY IMPORTANT:If you don't know that song, listen, keep it on repeat, and then continue reading this. (Who reads/ watches Kuroshitsuji without knowing that song?) If you know that song, play it on repeat, and then read this. You have to get the feelings going.

So basically, this is about a person. This 'story', if you still can call it that, sucks. I wrote this down when I was doing Math homework (NO RELATION, I AM NOT SAYING MATH IS DEPRESSING) and it is 1 in the morning (SCHOOL DAY T-T), so if it is kind of WTF? Well sorry. I guess I feel this way sometimes, except without the dramatic parts, of course. And voila, here it is. A random story I put together while trying to express the song in words, with extra bits. Or I would have just posted the lyrics and ask you how you feel.

WARNING: VAGUENESS AND CRAPINESS AHEAD. After all, they are just soliloquies of the characters.

_Enter_

~I say, I pray, I beseech. Please God, don't leave me. I wish for love, happiness, joy, anything that I could even live for. My family, smiles, times where I sat with my family in the garden. Won't you help me? Please… save me… For once. Just once. Listen. I am going crazy. Hear them voices? My cries for saviour aren't that soft. Can't you hear them? Don't let them take it away… My dignity, my life, my soul. Are you there? God… Help me. I cannot save myself. Where are you? I know I sinned. Lust, greed, pride, what hasn't been done, done. The demons taking over what could have been saved of me. That childish innocence, long gone. Who cares? No one, that's who. No one… no one I can live for… Run I may, I'll never find my way out. A rose garden full of thorns, filth, sin of the world. God, just once. Just once… Help me… I thought so… Faith won't help me. No one will. Ever.

-Go on, we are waiting. Here, for you, to descend into the pits of darkness, of your own personal hell. Come along, with us. What are you fighting for? You aren't worth it… Blinded by the lies and coldness of the world. We know. It's clouding on your mind. God doesn't care. He gave up on you a long time ago. You have a few people by your side, few people you have just started to love. Keep fighting. I will personally see to that you suffer the worst. Everything goes. Everything and everybody. No one loves you enough to stay. What have you got now? Nothing. Back to where you came from. Stop. Just give up. Just give up to yourself.

~Let them devour me, my tainted soul, my poisoned flesh. God, what are you. My life, I have pleaded, begged, done everything for you to just listen. I wasn't like this. The world made me a monster, a threat. Now everything is taken away. By myself. I didn't mean to do it. I can't take the pain. Should I be happy? Should I be lachrymose? Tell me. Listen. Please. I don't want this. Maybe I do. Maybe if I go, this suffering shall end. Once and for all. Memories will be wiped. Abuse from the world, and war. Maybe, maybe I'll close my eyes. Let the suffering go. Before the nightmares return. Before my demons get them.

_Exeunt_

So there you have it. The song written in words, I suppose. Of course, in this one, he still wants God to help him, he still prays, but God has already forsaken him. Different from the lyrics, but it still is kind of good I hope. Reviews appreciated. Thank you very much. I hope you enjoyed reading this. I feel extremely melancholic right now. Good day.

HERPES MONSTER. No offence intended. If you have herpes that is. HEH. O yeah. I will continue Kuroshitsuji Dreams (Is that what it's called?), soon I hope. :D AND ObsessivexAnime: HELL YES! :D I love guests. :3 Stay-tuned. To reviewers: If I didn't reply to your review I am terribly sorry! I hope I did though. :/


	8. KUROSHITSUJI DREAMLAND! DRES

KUROSHITSUJI DREAMLAND! DRES~

HEY PEOPLE! SO SO SORRY for the lateness of the updation. Cause I was on a Hetalia FF roll… But I got to admit, I had better things to do! Like math… and more math… But if I can get the ball rolling now, then look forward to more updates! Because it's the holidays! Heck yeah! *runs out to enjoy the sun* I mean, er, start writing this!... I just realised how hyper I was when I was writing this draft a month or so ago… But I didn't get to it. Oh well. ONWARD.

Characters: Me, Judytheubertardo, Grell, Claude, Ciel, Sebastian, Alois, and the surprise character!

To my readers/reviewers: Thanks for reviewing! :D But why no suggestions for the surprise character? *gloom*

Warning: Jumbled up with many clichés and insider jokes. (YOUUU ON THE OUTSIDEEEE :D)

* * *

Maddie: ALL RIGHT WE BACK.

Ciel: OH NO YOU BACK.

Maddie: OH YES I BACK.

Alois: O HECK EYEBALLS.

Judy: OH JUST SHUTTUP.

Maddie: MOVING ON. *does failed moonwalk that is failed*

* * *

Claude's point of view

**I like little boys. HEHEHEHE. I feel preeeety, oh so preeeety, I feel preeeeety and preeeeeeeety and GAYYY~! THAT reminds me of Alois. HEH. I like calendars. WHY? FUNFUNFUNFUN. Sleepy time~**

_ALRIGHT! I AM DREAMING! I AM A SPIDER in Miss Muffet's congee. I have no life. Geez. This is BORING. I need little boys. I don't show any emotions because if I did, I would be crazy! No one should question my thought processes. Did I say I like little boys? Like Ciel. HEHE. *dream drool* I should DREAM CROCHET! Woah. Sudden shift of scene. A crochet competition? COOOOOOL. *starts dream crocheting* Chomp. I am CLAUDE. The spider pirate! YOHOYOHO a spider's life for me! _

**Awwh, I got to wake up now… Up now, here we go, yohoho! ***starts doing folk dance*** GO AWAY TRIPLETS!**

* * *

Maddie: WTF. WTF. WTF. I STILL LIKE YOU CLAUDE.

Judy: *takes out anti-claude crucifix* BACK TO WHERE YOU CAME FROM EVIL BEING!

Maddie: =3= I didn't know you hated Claude…

Judy: Well… I DO NOW.

Alois: WHY?

Ciel: Doesn't everybody?

Claude-fans: NO!

Maddie: *teaching anime linkage classes* So, you can see clearly that Poland from Hetalia is clearly Alois Trancy from Kuroshitsuji in disguise.

Judy: STOP ADDING HETALIA TO EVERYTHING! *slaps Maddie… I know you would*

Maddie: WHAT, I CAN'T HELP IT! IT'S A DISEASE! *scratches skin* HIVES HIVES HIVES…

Poland: Wow, like, totally, oh em gee, like what is this. *brings Pony in*

Judy: SHOO POLAND SHOO. *shoos Poland and Pony out*

Maddie: D: BAD JUDY.

Ciel: Can we get back to the dreams? *does pimping pissed off face*

* * *

Grell's point of view

**Today was so bloody and wonderful! DEATH! But I had to work OT. ARGH, Will and his rules, but at least Ron helped me out. SLEEPY…**

_What's this cloudy place? Mmm. I hope I dream of Sebas-chan tonight. And I have my chainsaw with me! WONDERFUL! REV REV REV. Huh? Is that… SEBAS-CHAN! I wish he would stop screaming… *proceeds to rape Sebas-chan in ways too WTF to be stated here* YEAH! I LOVE THIS DREAM! Wait… Where'd he go now? ARGH!_

**I JUST DREAM-RAPED SEBAS-CHAN! HAPPY HAPPY… CRAP, I'M LATE AGAIN! DAMNNIT… More OT. THIS SUCKS!**

* * *

Sebastian: o.e That was…

Claude: *holding back laughter*

Maddie: I think you two shared a dream. o.e

Ciel: PFFT. That was awesome. Grell should do that more often.

Alois: *is chatting with Poland on pink, hello kitty, decodened, cellphone* OH EM GEE! THAT'S LIKE, TOTALLY, WACKED!

Judy: So, who is the surprise character?

Maddie: CHARLES GREY! SQUEEEE!

Alois: Who? o.e

* * *

Charles Grey's point of view

**Her Majesty just asked me to do *data expunged* and *data expunged* again. BOY, THAT WAS TIRING! But I got to eat as much cake as I wanted at the reception. HOORAY for me! More work tomorrow… Goodnight! **

_Is this cake-land? WOW, AWESOME! Chocolate strawberry black forest mango vanilla red velvet carrot marshmallow butter pound cheese white cup… MY KIND OF LAND! OMNOMNOMNOMNOM! Her majesty should build something like this back in London! An all you can eat cake buffet! I would be like, their top customer or something. Seriously. Nothing can stop me from getting my cakes! EVER! _

**ACH! Just a dream! I wish it was real… Now I'm craving for cake. Lots and lots and lots of cake… HMM. What's for breakfast today! CAKE!**

* * *

Ciel: *shaking head* What's wrong with everyone here? Everyone's got a fetish or something… JEEZ.

Maddie: Well, I don't know… BUT I LOVE ENGLAND!

Judy: SHUDDUP! STOP IT WITH HETALIA NOW! *hits with anti-Claude crucifix*

Alois: WAIT, who is Charles Grey? *is ignored* CLAUDE TELL ME.

Claude: *silence*

Maddie: So… Sebastian, where's your blobfish costume? *smirk*

Sebastian: *DEATH GLARE*

Ciel: O yeah, GET DRESSED NOW! I mean… get dressed in the costume now!

Sebastian: Yes… young master… *slinks away*

Judy: You guys know that hell would be still laughing at him like, maybe a 1000 years from now right?

Claude, Ciel, Maddie: EXACTLY.

Judy: You guys… HAHA.

Sebastian: *out with blobfish costume* Where's that whore Hannah and her sword?

The occasional passing demon journalist from hell: WTF! *snaps pics* THIS IS GONNA BE HEADLINES FOR A MONTH! SCORE! *jumps back in the occasional conveniently placed gateway to hell*

Ciel: HAH BITCH HAH. *smirks a pimping face*

Hannah: *pathetic expression*

Alois: WHERE'D YOU COME FROM! *proceeds to abuse Hannah*

Maddie: ANYWAYS, I got an apology to make!

Judy: DAMN RIGHT! You know, you have updated more Hetalia FF in a short time than Kuroshitsuji FFs you know?

Maddie: HEH. *troll face*

Judy: Claude has the best troll face ever.

Maddie: OH, I took on a project I like to call, 'acting like a little prissy English tea-drunk aristocrat'.

Ciel: *sips tea*

Maddie: TEA TEA TEA. *wobbles around tea-drunk*

Ciel: That's not possible to get drunk on tea!

Sebastian: Not if I added extra ingredients to it! *troll face*

Ciel: *looks down at tea cup* OH DAMN.

Maddie: OK, Ciel is drunk, so the show is ending… NOW! BYE GUYS!

* * *

This is very short right? YES INDEED. Sorry! Was concentrating on Hetalia a little too much, I guess. Kay, bye guys! Thanks for reading and reviewing, if you did! Alright?... Please review!


	9. AFTER A WAIT

After almost a half year wait… THE NEW CHAPTER OF KUROSHITSUJI… Uhh… Shit, I forgot the title of what this is called and I'm not kidding. OHH OHH OOTW SOMETHING SOMETHING. Right. Anyways, onward! (I know these aren't allowed on FanFiction, but who cares?)

* * *

Maddie: BAM MUDDABITCHES! I'M DURR BACK!

Ciel: Tch. After so long… *sips tea again like a pimp*

Alois: Finally! Geez you don't know how tired I was… hanging out with all those ratty marysues and shit like that… *rolls eyes*

Marysue corner: *murmur murmur neko ears and tails shit BORING!*

Maddie: Right… TCH! Ciel! This is why I don't update this fic anymore! Well, not that often anyways… Because Hetalia characters are nicer, Skins is awesome, and writing these make me feel like I'm crazy either way, so yeah!

Ciel: … Crazy? *looks pointedly at Alois*

Alois: WHUT? *is stuffing face with cocaine*

Claude: Your Highness, that's one hell of a drug… *smirks at other butler who glares*

Maddie: AND THUS! AN EPIC GLARING COMPETITION ENSUES! JUDY! WHERE IS YOU AT GURL!

: ALL RIGHT!

*3 hours later*

Judy: AND THE BUTLERS NEVER FLINCH! INCREDIBLE! SEEING THEIR EYES ARE LOBSTER RED AND ALL.

Maddie: LE YAWN. Look, can someone throw salt at them already? *flings popcorn at ceiling*

Ciel: Somebody is going to have to clean that up, and it isn't me. *deadpan*

Alois: *snaps fingers* HANNAAAAAAA YOU WHORE! PELT SALT AT THEIR EYES!

*Hanna drifts by and rubs that fucking salt into their dried out eyes*

Ciel: You guys… *facepalm*

Maddie: YO YO YO! This where I get my entertainment from! I know. Let's watch BOKU!

*whisks Ciel and Alois and everyone else away into the viewing room of Viscount Druitt*

Viscount: My lovely birdies! *does ridiculous dance routine with pink sparkle background*

Ciel: *shudder*

Judy: Like, everyone totally doesn't know Ciel, yeahhh… ¬.¬

Ciel: S-SHUTTUP YOU! Let's watch BOKU, whatever that is.

Maddie: Never underestimate the anime called BOKU.

*3 hours later and shit after BOKU and all that crap*

Ciel: I… need lots of bleach to wash my eyes out.

Sebastian: Yes, my lordo.

Maddie: OHH! I got some! Orange? Or lemon? Or original?

Ciel: IT DOESN'T PUCKING MATTER JUST PASS IT ON! *dumps shit on eyes* I feel ten times better already.

Alois: YOOOO THAT'S ONE GREAT SHOW! *starts twitting and shit about it*

Judy: What the hell did I watch again? *confused*

Maddie: DEAR READERS, DO NOT WATCH BOKU. TRUST ME.

Judy: You know, I swear your fanfics used to have proper planning. Like nicer storylines.

Maddie: … I can't. I used all of it up in other fandoms. *troll face* NOT LIKE ANYONE ACTUALLY CRITICS THESE!

Ciel: I DO!

Maddie: Shuddup you bocchan.

Weaboo hater: *le gasp* YOU WEEEAAABOOOOO.

Maddie: LOLS THIS IS SO TOTS SUGOI AND KAWAII AND SUBARASHIIIIII!

Everyone: SHUDDUP!

Maddie: Just… annoying everyone… *success*

*Grell just busts into the house*

Grell: Who are these people outside queuing up? SEBBBBBBYYYY!

Alois: *munching on cake that was stolen from Ciel* Those… marysues… *sudden seriousness* I fucking hate them.

Grell: Uhh… Yeah, kid. *da fuck look* SEBBY I WANT YOU NOW NOW NOW!

Judy: Do you think the Kuroshitsuji fandom on FanFiction has begin to suck?

Maddie: Well… yeah yeah… HEY WHATCHU SEI GURRL?

Sebastian: OMG GET AWAY FROM ME YOU TRANSSEXUAL FREAK! *gets the shit outta there*

Grell: COME BACK HERE BEFORE I GET YOU! *lovey dovey eyes and chases*

Maddie: Still the same as ever Grell? *unimpressed*

Ciel: She… HE… SH-HEEE NEVER CHANGES.

Maddie: She's a guy.

Viscount: Oh, OH, OHHHHHH! HOW BEAUTIFUL THAT ROBIN IS OH OHOHHHHHHH!

Maddie: I feel like I'm in a porno theatre with his sound effects.

Ciel: SEBASTIAN! Get him outta here!

Viscount: But it's my house!

Maddie: Yeah… sure it is… *shakes head sadly* Right... BYEEE!

* * *

Okay, I tired of writing… ABOUT… NOW. So, goodbye! Thanks for reading and all that! I may want to stop writing this so… Maybe, just maybe. I just haven't got the drive and motivation. Ta-ta! :D Reviews are greatly appreciated!


End file.
